Fowl Play
by lyredenfers
Summary: Fenella's infamous whydidthechickencrosstheroad jokes. See what all the characters have to say. Third chapter: Kel's rescue party faces a Scanran, roadcrossing chicken. Will chaos ensue? Naturally.
1. In which too much fun is had by me

This is based on the e-mail forward "why did the chicken cross the road?" that features different answers made up, as they would be said by different famous people. For example Martin Luther King Jr. ("I have a dream that chickens can cross the road with out their motives being called into question...") or Colonel Sanders ( "I missed one?")

Diclaimer: No chickens were hurt in the making of these jokes

* * *

For Alanna the First Adventure:

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

Alanna: " Shhhh, don't tell anyone that it's a chicken! She's disguised as a rooster so that she can fufill her chidhood dreams and cross the road! Once she's on the other side, she planning to tell everyone that she's not really a rooster but a chicken in disguise!"

Maude: Looks around nervously "You mean that the chicken is REALLY crossing the road, and without seeking the approval of the gods first?" gasps and runs to get vervain

Coram: "I can't believe it, that boy Thom is hopeless! I sent him out to get one measely chicken for supper, and he let it get away!"

Lord Alan of Trebond: "Hmmm, you say that there is a chicken crossing the road? This is very serious... I will be with you as soon as I'm done researching for my latest study."

Three years later—

"Now, what's this about a chicken? What? The chicken has _crossed _the road? What? I ATE that chicken for dinner several years ago? Ah well, if that's all, I have some important scrolls to attend to..."

King Roald: "Chicken? There was no chicken in the peace treaty with Tusaine. I hope that this doesn't affect the deal." grimaces worriedly

Queen Lianne: "I can't see a chicken crossing the road. But alas, ever since the fever, my eyes have been weak."

Duke Baird: " Ah yes, **_that_** chicken. That chicken came from Galla to have me heal it. You see, it had a rare case of "chicken pox". Due to my superb healing powers, I was able to restore the chicken to full health, and it is crossing the road on it's journey back to Galla."

Jon: "Why is everything about the chicken? As if I couldn't cross the road with five times more accuracy!"

George: "Though I can't see th' chicken, due to the hundred percent accuracy of your humble servant's spies, I know that at this very second, th' chicken is crossin' th' main street in corus. As to why th' chicken is crossin' the road, I gave my spies directions to bring th' chicken directly to me for questionin'."

Ralon: "The snivelling little chicken is the farmer's son Alan of Trebond who is crossing the road as fast as he can. He can't take the hard work and lifestyle of a TRUE noble!"

Raoul: "That CHICKEN, is Ralon. He's crossing the great road which will take him straight out of Corus!"

Gareth the elder: "I regret to inform you that this Chicken that you hold in so high an esteem has been fighting in the stables with several of the other chickens. I have therfore suspended all priviliges of the chicken, such as corn it it's grain, and have sent the chicken in question across the road, on a border patrol."

Lord Prevost: " The chicken is escaping again? That chicken's crossing the road interferes directly with law 289. It clearly states that Chicken's of royal decent in Corus shall not leave the allocated chicken coop area. This chicken shall be tried for treason in May."

Gary: " The chicken was leaving Corus to find a place where **free time** exists."

Sir Myles: "The chicken was going to seek re-enforcements for the battle. You see fellows, this chicken felt that the demands of the code of chivallry were to great and that chickens were meant to fight in groups, despite the code defining chickens as solitary beings."

Alex: "The chicken in the math question? Well you see, if the chicken has an initial speed of one meter per second and accelerates constantly to two meters per second.."

Thom: "Brother dear, I fear that the chicken crossing the road is our smiling friend's latest trick. Beware of strange chickens crossing the road!"

Roger: " Yes, Egg-cellent. The chicken is under the spell of my jewel and I dared him to cross the road. Kind of like my dear cousing Jon and the Ysandir. I mean uh .. Errr."

The Ysandir: "It's but a mere chicken, what harm can it do to us?"

* * *

Reformatted April 14, 2005 by yours truly, Fenella, who was appalled by the hyper-teenybopperness of it all. 


	2. one more

Hey, thanks so much for all the reviews! I never thought that I'd get so many for these jokes. Anyways, I've had this one in my head for a while.

And to set the stage: just think about that scene in SOTL where Alanna's teasing Jon about his sketches, Delia and her ressemblance to a cow, etc. etc.

* * *

**Why did the chicken cross the road?**

Jon: But Alanna, that's not a_ chicken_ crossing the road, that's Thayet!

* * *

Heh, okay. I had my fun. Love it? Hate it? Click that pwetty wittle review button and tell!

Fenella


	3. Something a little different

Hey All... so this one's a bit different, it's based on the scene in Lady Knight where Kel's rescue party comes across the illusion of the big Scanran army.

And yeah, disclaimer still applies.

-- Lyre

/././././././././././././.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

/././././././././././././.

Kel's rescue party sat dejectedly around their camp in the Scanran woods. They had run out of food rations just that morning. Now, knights, animals, men of the Own, a young boy and a squire alike, were hungry.

"Hey Kel," asked Merric. "Why is that chicken crossing the road?"

_Chicken? _Thought Kel, as she shrugged. _I don't see a chicken. Is Merric really so hungry that he's started to see chickens? I knew he shouldn't have come after that injury... _

Neal sighed and licked his lips. "Ah, chicken."

_Not him too. He isn't even injured. _

Tobe saw Neal eying the chicken. "Sir Neal, I'll help you catch it."

Neal smiled wolfishly, something he had learnt from his knight mistress. "Let's get a net."

Kel rolled her eyes, and poked Dom. "Do you see this 'chicken' too?"

"Mmm," murmured Dom, deep in thought. "Kel – there's something wrong with that chicken."

"Oh really," answered Kel sarcastically. "Is it not plump enough for your tastes Dom?"

Dom looked at Kel oddly, and looked back at the chicken. Then he said, "Kel, that chicken doesn't blink."

_I have single handedly caused a band of full-grown men to lose their sanity. Now that's an accomplishment. _

Kel felt something tickling her forehead, and reached up her hand to scratch. Only, her fingers landed on her griffin feathers. _I wonder..._ Kel removed the feathers from her hair and her eyes widened.

Kel saw the chicken.

It was crossing the road.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Dom was right, the chicken didn't blink. She picked up the griffin feathers and the chicken disappeared.

"Lads it's an illusion!"

Neal looked over from his chicken-stalking-with-a-net-in-the-bushes position. "But it's _so_ plump and juicy looking!"

"Neal!" Repeated Kel, "It's an illusion."

"That doesn't make sense, why would anyone bother making an illusion-chicken?"

"To divert our attention?" Kel suggested.

"From what?" asked Neal.

Meanwhile, Merric and Esmond had been sneaking up on the "chicken". With his fingers, Esmond signaled "3... 2...1" The two knights jumped the chicken. And, went right through it.

Neal winced. Kel rolled her eyes.

"I'm not sure," Kel admitted, returning to their conversation.

Owen spoke up. "Maybe, the chicken is _real_, but doesn't want to get eaten. So he's making us _think_ he's an illusion. A.... a... magic chicken!"

"Hare-brain," said Neal. "If he's a magic chicken why doesn't he magic himself away, instead of standing there crossing the road?"

Owen pouted.

"Hey," said Kel. "It's not a 'he'. That would be a rooster. Chickens are female."

"Yeah," added Owen.

Dom snickered. "Listen to yourselves. You're arguing about the sex of an imaginary chicken."

"You stay out of this," snarled Neal.

"Fine. But don't come crying to me when....."

_Three miles away, Stenum chuckled to himself and congratulated his mages on a job well done. Their 'chicken' had done the small – but much needed- trick to finally push those crazy Tortallans over the edge._

_/././././././././././._

So whaddya think, I know there's not as much humour in it as in the other ones but hey...

Anyways, I think I might go back to the standard form for the next set of chicken jokes.

Love it? Hate it? Review and tell all! (Thanks SO much to everyone who reviewed my Alanna chicken jokes!)

-- Lyre


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